Lost Without Words

I  do  not  title  this  as  a  point  in  my  life  to  where  I  feel  lost.  Even  as  a  child  I  felt  lost.  At  times  I  thought  I  did  not  really  belong  anywhere  because,  I  felt  that  if  an  individual  did  not  feel  the  way  I  wanted  them to  feel  then  it  was  a   loss  because,  they  did  not  feel  what  I  felt.

I  realized  that  in  my  thirties  I  had  my  very  own  rabbit  and  he  was  more  than  a  trick. Everything  was  going  great  I had  my  Television  shows  going  however,  something  felt  off  and  it  was  him  all  along. Sometimes I  wonder  is  he  also  the  reason  why  things  happen  in  my  life.   I  got  really  sick  after  the  mid  night  rondevu’s  I  thought  it  was  from  shaving  my  face I  just  got to  face  it,  this  is  not  from  shaving and no  I  was  not  trying to  commit  suicide because, he  broke  up  with  me for  some  married  woman  up the  street. I  saw  her  driving  his  car  one  morning or  she  was  a  look a like.

I  did  not  care  because, I  kept  on  getting  sick I  have  been sick  since  April 07,2016  my  natural  glow  is  gone  I  have  bumps  on  one  side  of  my  face  and  I  gain 10  pounds while  I  was  with  him. Then he showed  me  a  gun I guess his  friend purchased it well, I need to tell the  truth  just in case he said his brother purchased it and I stared to think when two people love each other what do they talk about? I then realized I am in love with my arch enemy. Showing me weapons that I do not know if he is going to use it on me I was just not feeling whatever was going through his psychotic mind.

I  felt  lost,  lost  without  words.

I  felt afraid, why? I  do  not  know  I  guess  because,  of  my  past  you  know  how  people  was  trying  to kill  me.  It   was  probably  him  too.

Now, I am  back  at  square one  always  inside  the  house,  trusting  in  know  one.  I  joined  a  P.h.D.  program  to  keep  myself  extra  busy I  am  wondering what  should  I  do  if  he  comes  back.  You  can   never  put  nothing  pass  a  gang  member.

Maybe I  should  buy  a  gun  too. Maybe I  should  throw  some  hot bleach  on  him.  Maybe  I  should   call  the  police.  Maybe  he  reads  my  blogs  and  if  you  do  please  stay  away  from me  the  friendship  from  16  years  ago  is  gone  I  do  not  ever  want  to  see you  again I  don’t  want  nothing to  do  with  you EVER.



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